I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
