I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
