Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
