i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize