I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
