Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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