god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
