i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
