you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
