I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
