Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
