Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
