I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
