I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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