I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
MIDGETS
????
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
