Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
