I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize