he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
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