so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
