So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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