i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
