Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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