There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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