dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
