I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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