you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
