He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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