my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
