I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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