I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have fence marks all over my body
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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