Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
