wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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