My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
