I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
