Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
