just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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