new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
