its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
