hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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