Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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