Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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