So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
