Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
