kristin has been a bad kristin
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
