just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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