Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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