You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
