So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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