Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
