He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
