dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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