Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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