I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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