So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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