Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
