Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
