Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
