Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
