just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize