i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
