Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
