I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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