worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
