can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
