Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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