My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
