idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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