My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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