On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
