he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
