Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
