What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
