explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
