pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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