i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
