How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
